


Unknown Loss

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, No Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-07-28
Updated: 2003-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-27 04:53:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12073899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian gets back two things he lost.





	Unknown Loss

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Almost as soon as he stepped through the doors, Brian lost himself in the pulsing beat of the music that filled the crowded dance club. The past week had been a hellish one and he was relieved that it was finally over. He had managed to convince himself that the headaches would lessen now that he was a partner in the agency. If anything they made them worse. And without Justin to help relieve his tension.... 

Brian silently cursed himself for allowing Justin to sneak into his thoughts. For the past few weeks he had made it his point to erase every trace of the artist from his life. There was no point in dwelling on something that was in the past. Justin was no longer a part of his life and that was the way he had planned it. After everything the kid had been through, he deserved to be happy. 

Even if it wasn’t with him. 

Pushing all thoughts of Justin from his mind, Brian made his way up to the catwalk that overlooked the dance floor. He had tricks to find and the catwalk offered the best vantage point from which to do so. After the week he had, Brian planned on doing a whole lot of fucking in order to start to process over again on Monday. 

“I was beginning to wonder whether you would show or not,” Michael greeted as Brian joined him in the center of the catwalk. 

“Well some of us do actually work for a living,” Brian shot back, leaning his forearms against the rail. 

Michael scowled good-naturedly at his best friend. “I do so work! Just because I don’t pull in a six figure salary like some people doesn’t mean I don’t work.” 

“You sell comics to a bunch of pimple faced teenagers,” Brian reminded him. 

“Don’t forget I’m also writing my own comic,” Michael protested. 

At the mention of the comic, a dark scowl crossed Brian’s features. As proud as he was of Michael for having the guts to create his own comic book, whenever he would think of it, his mind automatically went to Justin and his phenomenal artwork which populated the comic. Having seen rough sketches of the comic’s next issue when he visited Michael at the comic shop, Brian could tell the difference in the way Justin drew Rage. Unlike the original, which had clearly illustrated Justin’s love for Brian, it was plainly obvious in the sequel that the artist no longer felt the same way about the title character. 

Not that Brian could blame him in the slightest. 

So now Rage truly lived up to his name. Harsh, angry lines created his image, making JT and Zephyr appear as playful as the Powerpuff Girls in contrast. Which was just as well. Neither Brian nor his superhero counter part deserved the blondes they had been paired with. 

So now the world had been set to right and he was alone once again. 

Just as he should be. 

“You want a beer, Bri?” Michael asked, his voice interrupting the ad exec’s thoughts. 

Brian absently nodded his head, his eyes never once straying from the dance floor. The sooner he found a trick, the sooner he could start to forget.... everything. For the next forty-eight hours, Brian did not want to have a conscious thought. His only plan was a booze, drug and sex binge to ready him for the week ahead. It was how he had survived the past few weeks and would continue to exist until he found a better system. 

As he was reaching into the breast pocket of his sleeveless black silk shirt for a hit of E, Brian felt a tingling in the base of his spine. It was a sensation that Brian knew very well even though now he wished he that he had never become aware of. 

Glancing towards the club’s entrance, Brian’s eyes instantly locked onto Justin’s face. After a few moments, Justin returned his gaze, turning the tingling in the base of his spine into a full fledged electrical charge awakening every cell in his body. Even from the distance, Brian could see Justin tremble momentarily and knew that the teen was feeling the exact same thing. 

Breaking eye contact first, Brian turned his attention to the mass of writhing bodies in the center of the dance floor. He was pointedly ignoring Justin even though he could sense the teen’s movement out of the corner of his eye. Regardless of the state of his relationship with Justin, Brian would always look out for him. It had become too much a part of his nature for him not to any longer. 

Michael appeared at Brian’s side once again, tapping the opened bottle of beer against the taller man’s wrist to announce his arrival. Brian took the beer in his other hand, downing most of its contents in a single gulp. He didn’t otherwise acknowledge his friend’s presence. In spite of his mind’s conscious attentions, Brian’s eyes were once again drawn to the artist who was now in his element. 

Lost in a haze of music, dancing up a storm in the middle of Babylon’s dance floor. 

“Brian, why are you paying any attention to him?” Michael demanded, his voice loud and shrill over the pulsing music. “He’s out of our lives. Leave it that way.” 

Brian rolled his eyes, swallowing the rest of his beer. “That’s bullshit, Mikey. He still works on the comic with you, he still works at the diner, Deb still thinks of him as your baby brother and he’s still friends with Emmett and Ted. Justin is far from out of our lives. He never will be.” 

“Look, I’m sure if you talked to him--” 

“I’m not forcing him out,” Brian interrupted harshly, shooting an angry glare in Michael’s direction. “This is Justin’s life just as much as it is mine.” 

“But you were here first,” Michael protested, taking a quick chug of his own beer which had barely been drained to the top of the label. 

Brian shook his head, his eyes locked on the teen who had garnered the attention of four men. “It doesn’t matter that I was here first. Justin’s not going anywhere and I don’t want you trying to make him disappear.” 

“Look, Bri, I could always find another artist,” Michael volunteered. 

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Brian growled. “You are not fucking this up for Justin. He deserves this chance just as much as you do.” 

“Why do you care what happens to him?” Michael asked, the confusion obvious in his voice. 

The question never received and answer because at that moment, Brian watched one of the four men talk Justin into snorting something. The blonde through his head back, a blissful expression on his face. He seemed to be completely unaware of what was going on around him as the four men began to lead him towards the backroom. 

In that instant, Brian was stalking away from the railing, following the catwalk towards its staircase that would take him back down to the main floor. 

“Brian, where are you going?” Michael shouted, running after him. When Brian didn’t respond, he grabbed hold of the ad exec’s arm, attempting to stall him. “Brian, don’t go after him! If he thinks he’s big enough to play in the backroom let him. He’s not your responsibility anymore.” 

“Get your hand off me, Michael,” Brian hissed, his hazel eyes piercing the other man. 

Aware of the danger involved in that look, Michael released Brian’s arm. With one final glare in his best friend’s direction, Brian took off down the stairs, wanting to cut Justin off before he got to the back room. 

It was a fine balancing act as Brian rushed towards Justin without making his actions too obvious. Brian Kinney didn’t chase after twinks even if it was his twink. Several weeks may have passed since he and Justin had parted ways, Pittsburgh’s slut population should have known to keep away, especially when Brian was there watching. That was an incredibly foolish thing to do. 

“Where do you think you’re going, Sunshine?” Brian asked as he met up with Justin just outside the backroom. 

“Where does it look like I’m going?” Justin growled back, his body wavering slightly. 

“Not where you think you’re going,” Brian informed the obviously dazed teen. “So say goodbye to your little friends, you’re coming home.” 

Justin snorted mirthlessly, shoving himself away from the tricks. “What home? I don’t have a home! I’m fucking homeless! I’m staying in Daph’s dorm room until I get the money for a place of my own.” 

That caught Brian off guard. He had always just assumed that Justin was living with his mother if he hadn’t already moved in with his violinist. No one had ever commented on Justin’s living situation, but in all fairness, Brian had never asked. When the artist had come to collect his things from the loft, Brian had made himself scarce, venturing into muncher territory to visit his son. As soon as he had gotten there, though, Brian knew that he had made a mistake because Gus spent the next three hours asking for Justin and seemed quite put off with his Dadda for not telling him where his favourite playmate was. 

“Let’s go, Justin,” Brian said again, not wanting to have the serious discussion he knew was coming in the middle of Babylon. 

“Why the fuck should I go with you?” Justin demanded angrily, his dilated pupils making his eyes exceptionally dark. 

Knowing that reasoning with the teen was completely out of the question, Brian did what was necessary to get him out of the club. In a move made much easier by Justin’s drugged state, Brian lifted the artist up and over his shoulder. Brian was already heading towards the exit before Justin seemed to realize what had happened and began to protest. 

“Put me down!” Justin shouted, squirming in Brian’s gasp, attempting to free himself. 

It was a futile attempt because all Brian needed to do was keep a firm grip on Justin’s waist in order to keep him in place. “You’re coming with me, Sunshine. It’s time we had a talk.” 

“What’s to talk about?” Justin protested, his struggles having stopped. Instead of trying to fight off Brian’s shoulder, he was gripping the older man’s hips for support. “If you had wanted to talk, we would have done it week’s ago before you pulled that fucked up stunt.” 

“Well we’re going to talk now,” Brian told him, navigating his way through the mass of sweaty bodies. “It’s been long enough.” 

By the time they got to the exit, Brian was pretty sure that Justin wasn’t going to bolt. That in mind, he set the blonde down on the ground, but kept an arm around his waist to ensure that Justin didn’t sneak away. Brian was honestly surprised when one of Justin’s arms snaked around his body and responded instinctively by pressing a kiss to the top of the artist’s head. 

The gesture was second nature and one that Brian hadn’t even been aware of missing until completed. 

Not a word was spoken between them as they made their way towards the jeep. There would be plenty of time for talking when they got back to the loft. Especially since Justin seemed to have caught on to what he had done at the Rage party all those weeks ago. A part of him had known that Justin would eventually figure out the meaning behind his actions. Justin was a smart kid and would eventually realize what he had done. 

It was something that Brian had counted on. 

That way he could give Justin the chance to experience the romantic relationship he was craving and not officially close the book on their relationship. Brian wasn’t ready to give Justin up and wasn’t sure if he ever would be. But Justin was young and deserved to experience the things Brian had when he was the artist’s age. No matter how much it hurt. 

Brian felt as though he had been flung back in time nearly two years as he and Justin rode the elevator up to the sixth floor loft. The tension that had been there that first night was present in full force and only got worse as they entered the loft, a place that had been home to both of them until a few weeks before. 

“I feel like you should be asking me whether I’m coming or going or coming then going or coming and staying,” Justin said as Brian headed to the fridge to get a water bottle. 

Staring into the interior of the fridge for a few moments, Brian asked, “What would your answer be?” without looking in the teen’s direction. 

“I don’t know,” Justin answered honestly with a soft sigh. 

Putting off the inevitable conversation that Brian was no longer quite sure he wanted to have, he went over to the answering machine which was blinking indicating a new message. 

Gus’ breathless, excited voice came from the machine first. “Dadda! Dus’n! Dadda! It Gus! Pi’ up! .... Pwease.... Wanna talk Dadda, Momma. Dus’n! Dadda!” There was a pause as Lindsay took the phone from the little boy. “I’m sorry about that, Brian. Gus figured out which number is yours on speed dial and wanted to talk to you.... Sorry, Gus, Dadda’s not home. Justin’s not there either. I gotta go, Bri. Love you....” The phone was passed back from mother to son so that Gus could say his goodbyes. “Wuv you, Dadda! Wuv you, Dus’n! Night night!” 

With that the message was over, leaving a deafening silence in the loft. 

Brian let out a loud breath, snaking the fingers of his left hand into his hair. “Gus always thinks I’m playing a game with him when I won’t tell him where you are. He thinks we’re a matched pair or something.” 

“He does the same thing when I go to see him,” Justin admitted quietly. 

Brian nodded in understanding as he slowly made his way towards the leather chaise. When he had seen Justin heading towards the back room with the four tricks, he had acted purely on instinct. Not only had they convinced the teen to take something, but they also didn’t look like meek bottoms. So Brian had done what he needed to in order to keep Justin safe. 

“I still don’t understand why you did it.” 

There was no hint of accusation in Justin’s voice and no point in pretending that he didn’t know what the smaller man was talking about. Before he could say anything, though, Justin spoke again. 

“It took a few days, but I figured out exactly what that party was for. I’m not talking about it being a celebration of my achievement or whatever, I’m talking about the part where you shoved me off a cliff.” 

“It was for the best,” Brian mumbled, not meeting Justin’s eyes. 

“That’s what you said when you did the same thing to Michael,” Justin said, surprising Brian by straddling his lap, preventing any escape. “What I don’t get is why you forced the same situation on me. I wasn’t going anywhere until you forced me to.” 

Brian absently placed his hands on the blonde’s hips, his thumbs massaging the stretch of skin just above the waistband of his jeans. “You were miserable, Justin. Someone needed to make a decision. You obviously weren’t going to make it. Who better than the jilted lover?” 

“I never meant to hurt you, Brian,” Justin murmured solemnly, absently reaching out to trace his fingers over Brian’s features. “But by the time I realized what was happening it was too late to stop it. It was like I was in this fucked up parallel universe.” Lowering his upper body so that his back rested against Brian’s upraised legs, Justin reached into the left pocket of his jeans. “It was kinda cemented when I noticed you weren’t wearing this the last couple of days before the party. Then when I came to get my stuff, I found it hidden away in the bottom of a drawer. Why did you stop wearing it, Bri?” 

Reaching out, Brian ran an index finger along one of the cowry shells on the bracelet. “I just didn’t feel like wearing it anymore. No big deal.” 

“You’ve worn it every single fucking moment for as long as I’ve known you,” Justin protested, fingering Brian’s arm with his free hand. “Before last month I can’t remember a time you didn’t have it on. It’s always been there. Everytime I picture you in my head you have it on. Hell, it’s one of the few actual memories I have of that night. I remember seeing it peeking out of your sleeve when you were running towards me.” Justin was silent for a moment, a brief smile playing over his features. “Plus, I’d kinda hoped you’d notice it was missing and come for it. You never did, though. Why?” 

Brian was silent for a moment then shrugged his shoulders. “I’m not sure there is an actual reason. It just seemed like the right thing to do. I’d only started wearing it a few days before I met you and when I realized we were done.... I didn’t want any reminders.” 

Justin nodded his head slowly, his eyes locked on the bracelet which he held lightly in both his hands. He contemplated it silently for a minute or so then squared his shoulders obviously coming to a decision about something. 

Not too sure what Justin was going to do, Brian remained completely still as the blonde reached over and grasped his right hand. Moving slowly as though he expected Brian to object at any given moment, Justin pulled the large, long-fingered hand onto his lap. In that instant Brian knew exactly what Justin was going to do and made no move to protest. Even Brian had to admit that his arm looked odd without the bracelet on. He hadn’t realized that just how used he was to wearing the bracelet until Justin presented him with it again. 

While Justin refastened the bracelet in its proper place on his wrist, Brian kept his eyes on the young artist’s face. Justin had his bottom lip between his teeth, his dark blue eyes trained on the leather straps that he was busy tying. There was a hint of nervousness on the teen’s face, deep worry lines across the bridge of his nose. Brian lifted his left hand, pressing the pad of his thumb against the deep groove, lightly massaging it away. A gesture which earned him a broad grin from Justin. 

A smile that Brian had waited so long to see directed at him once again. 

Leather band affixed with cowry shells firmly attached to his wrist where it belonged, Brian lifted his hand to cup Justin’s cheek. 

“This doesn’t fix everything,” Brian told him, his thumb brushing over Justin’s prominent cheekbone. 

Justin nodded his head, tears shimmering in his eyes. “I know. We have a lot of talking to do. A whole lot. But promise... promise me you won’t take it off again,” Justin pleaded, leaning into Brian’s touch. “That you won’t let me give you a reason to.” 

Brian knew what Justin was asking for. 

Knew that he would be taking a huge risk if he agreed. 

Justin had it in his power to hurt him more than anyone else. 

But the teen was worth the risk. 

“It’s not going anywhere,” Brian murmured, using his hold on Justin’s cheek to pull the artist’s face down to his, sealing their agreement with a kiss.


End file.
